As you start your recovery from sexual addiction, or as I like to say: your journey towards sexual purity, I hope that one day you Goggle your self and stumble upon this blog. I want you to know that there is one person out here who will not vilify you for what you have done.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning what you’ve done, you do the crime, you do the time, but at least you have someone in your corner who supports you in your quest to sexual purity, who understands what you’re going through and who want to give you a helping hand.

Eliot Spitzer, I believe that if you do the following 5 things, you will be well on your way towards obtaining sexual purity:

1. Admit that you cannot save or fix yourself and your condition, and surrender life to Jesus Christ

Realizing that you can’t start and finish this journey with only your strength and then surrendering your life to Jesus is a great first step. God will honor your humility, forgive your sin and heal your land. See, He says in Second Chronicles 7:14 that:

if My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

2. Make a covenant with your eyes

Job 33:1  says: I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl. Eliot if you start here and turn off all sexual stimulus that you receive through your eyes, you can effectively eliminate a lot of the temptations that probably hound you. This means no ogling at the female body or body parts. No more long stares and no quick glances at a woman’s (young or old) anatomy, unless it is your wife. This includes:

• No porn or escort sites
• No strip clubs
• No ladies in the office
• No R rated or racy movies on TV and Cable

This may sound silly, but you need to abstain from looking at these things so that you can dry out, find some balance and recover.

3. Control your thought life

Once you start controlling what you look at, you will greatly reduce the number of lustful and negative things that make it to your mind. If you can’t see a pretty woman or her body, you can’t fantasize about doing stuff with her, and if you can’t fantasize, you don’t act out.

Ahh…but you have a big brain Eliot and it’s a lot more clever. It will tell you: “Well, if I can’t get any new stimulus from my eyes, I can still fantasize about my other sexual conquest over the last 8 years, 15, or 20 years. I’ll start thinking of my rendezvous with Kristen, and others in my past!”

Eliot, stop your brain in its tracks by exerting control over what you think, dream, conjure, or fantasize about. God says lots of things in the Bible about your thoughts. Here are two that stick out:

Second Corinthians 10:5 says: we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Phillipians 4:8 says: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

In a nutshell, these scriptures are saying: Capture or Ensnare every thought you have, every day, and teach your thoughts to obey Christ; and that you’ll do best by thinking of only the good things in life, not the bad things. The beautiful and not the ugly.

So no more sexual or adulterous fantasies and no more imaginations about what you’re going to do with this girl and that escort. Those thoughts aren’t obedient to Christ, nor are they good things. They are bad things. Your wife, your daughters, your job, your love to others, THESE are good things in life and you need to constantly think on those things.

4. Guard your heart

King Solomon wrote the following in Proverbs: Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Our heart – our feelings of love and desire – dictates to a great extent how we live because we always find time to do what we enjoy…Good or Bad. Solomon tells us to guard our heart above all else, making sure that we concentrate on those desires that will keep us on the right path.

So make sure your affections push you in the right direction. Put boundaries on your desires, and don’t go for everything you see (see Tip #2).

5. Find support and keep pressing forward!

Eliot, one final tip. This journey is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. Don’t think that just because you put these tips into practice that you’re automatically “cured” and you never have to do them again. On the contrary my friend, you will need to do these tips EVERYDAY with the power that God gives you. He says in His Word:

Press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

So keep running this marathon and find some friends and family, or a 12 step Support group who will support you as you move forward. And no matter happens: DON’T QUIT FIGHTING! You are more than a conqueror!!

Eliot Spitzer, I pray you find these 5 Tips one day. If you do, please leave a comment.

Eliot…Eliot…Eliot.

I’ve been where you have. Maybe not on such a grand scale. But I’ve been there.

I’m not hear to try to understand why Spitzer did what he did. I’m not here to condemn him or the call-girl he hooked up with. My main purpose is to say that I understand what he’s going through and to say that I hope he gets helps and starts his walk back towards sexual purity.

 In 2002, I was suppose to be living the Christian Life at least a highly moral life. In 2002, I too got caught having sex outside my marriage. I got caught doing stuff that I hid from my wife for years upon years. That same year, I also got fired from my job. Yes, Spitzer “resigned”, but that’s just semantics. Dude got fired from his job!

The worst of it thought was that I had to look in my wife’s face and see her pained and tortured face and her puffy eyes and know in my heart that my actions put that look there.

Eliot, hopefully you do a Google search and find this blog. If you do, I want to commend you for taking responsibility for your action, but I also want to encourage you to not run from this, but to take this desire to sleep with hookers and put it in a choke hold to kill it.

Eliot, I hope you would re-discover the beauty of your wife and understand that sex with her is the only right thing. I’d hope you apologize to her AND apologize to your 3 teenage daughters.

Eliot, I hope you find a 12 step programs, a sponsor and start walking out your journey towards sexual purity.

Most of all Eliot, I hope you realize that Jesus Christ loves you, even though you’ve done what you’ve done. I hope that you get off the throne of your life and give Jesus that rightful seat. Also, if you ask Him, He will forgive you of your wrong doing, meet you at your need and forgive you of your transgressions.

God, please bless Eliot Spitzer, heal him, his wife, his family and Ashley Alexandra Dupre, and Jesus, let him find you, accept you as Lord and Savior, turn from his ways, and use this experience to help others.

God, I also pray that Ashley turn her life over to you as well, bless her and help her in her life. Help her to turn away from prostitution and use this experience to help other women who are trapped in the same life.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Now imagine yourself as a friend to your friends and all the things you do for them, now put God in your place.

Can’t you see how much GREATER a friend would be if your friend was Goad Almighty Himself.

This excites me to no end. God, the Maker of heaven and earth, thinks of me.

• He hears me.
• He loves me.
• He calls me friend.

That is so utterly amazing. God said he would never forget us. He is always thinking of us. That inspires me because I know God has my back. Even if I fall face first, God is ALWAYS there to pick me up. And you see how HE calls me friend? He initiates the relationship. He started His relationship with man back in the Garden of Eden.

• He helps us.
• He thinks of us.
• He pursues us.

Friend, don’t miss-out on this fantastic friendship. God isn’t in some cool click with only His Christian buddies. He wants you to join His crew so that you and Him can be friends.

Watch and listen to this beautiful song by Israel Houghton, read the words and think of how cool it would be to ask God into your heart and to be your friend today.

Who am I that You are mindful of me
That You hear me when I call
Is it true that You are thinking of me
How You love me it’s amazing (Chorus)
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
He calls me friend God Almighty, Lord of Glory
You have called me friend(Repeat Chorus)

 I used to think that nothing could hurt me and that I could overcome anything by myself.

Oh, how young and foolish I was.

You see, during my first stint in SA, back in 2002, I just KNEW that the people sitting around and in front of me were WEIRDOs. These people were so deprived, so base, so…yucky compared to me, or so I thought. Needless to say, I didn’t stick around my meetings for too long, nor did I try any of the Steps. As a matter of fact, after 4 weeks of meetings…

I was cured from my sexual addictions. Talk about self help! I never sought a “second opinion” from anyone. I really didn’t need anyone’s help.

Fast forward to 2008. 6 years and two other falls from grace, I’ve realized a few things:

1. In 2002, I was young and stupid
2. I’m not so confident in my bulletproof-ness
3. I need help if I’m going to fight the fight for sexual purity

That’s why I like the simple song by the Beatles called Help! The song simply outlines John’s need for assistance in this crazy new journey that he and his bandmates are embarking on. I can say the same thing, when I was young, I thought I didn’t need any help, but now my life has changed in oh so many ways that I KNOW I need some help if I ever think I’m going to fulfill my journey.

If you’re on a quest for sexual purity and you’re not receiving some kind of help from a spouse, sponsor, shrink or from God, your Higher Power, then your doing something wrong. Everybody needs some help sometime.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

You’ll see why His love takes you higher.

The video clip was recorded during the show Showtime at the Apollo and BB and CC rip it up.

Ooh…ooh…
Ooh…ooh…ooh…hoo…hoo…
Way higher, yeah
Yeah
Yeah

All I wanna do is just explain
Why that we feel the way we do
What a joy to share with you
For me to live is Christ, to die is gain
If anymore I need to say
The list goes on and on all day
I’ll cherish that moment for life
And I know it might sound crazy
It’s alright, take a seat, hold tight

 Time to admit [Time we should admit it]
I’m so addicted, yeah
You see, He’s taken my heart
And showed me the right way
No doubt about it [Doubt it, no doubt]
See, I’m lost without it, yeah
You see this love takes me higher
I didn’t know why then
I found it was addictive love, yeah (Woo, hoo, yeah)

Now that we’ve evened up the score
Hey, what do you mean there’s so much more
I need to tell why we adore
The reason why I smile when I, when I wake up
And also the reason why I dream {Reason why I dream}
My love, my joy, my everything
And I’ll cherish that moment for life
And I know it might sound crazy {Crazy}
It’s alright, take a seat, hold tight

Time to admit [Time we should admit it]
I’m so addicted, yeah
You see, He’s taken my heart {Taken my heart, y’all}
And showed me the right way
There’s no doubt about it, no [Doubt it, no doubt]
I’m lost without it, yeah
You see this love takes me higher {Yeah, yeah}
I didn’t know why then
You see I found it was addictive love (Hey…yeah…yeah…)

So much love
He’s given to me everything I longed for
Everything I need
That means I’m never alone, so glad
And everything I’ve dreamed and much more
(Much more, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) So much more

And I’ll cherish (Cherish the moment) that moment for life
For the rest of my life, yeah, yeah
And I know it might sound crazy but {It’s not crazy}, no
I’m not crazy
I’ve never known anyone to love me quite the way you do
And I tell you
It’s hopeless, I’ve finally (Hopeless) noticed that
I’m just forever addicted, forever {Forever in love}, hey {Yeah, yeah, yeah}

Time to admit [Time we should admit it]
Hold tight
You see, He’s taken my heart {Heart, y’all}
And showed me the right way [Showed me the way]
There’s no doubt about it [Doubt it, no doubt] (Show me the right way)
See, I’m lost without it, yeah
You see this love takes me higher {Higher}
I didn’t know why then {I didn’t know why, I didn’t know I was addicted}

….I love my wife.

Paul McCarthy loved his wife Linda McCarthy, too. That’s why he wrote the song “Baby I’m Amazed”.

Paul wrote the song in 1969, just after The Beatles’ breakup. He credited his wife Linda with helping him get through the difficult time. And that is the reason why this song inspires me.

When I hear this song, I can relate to it. Like Paul, I was totally lonely and in the middle of my sexual sin. I hid it, and didn’t want to talk about it. I really didn’t understand how I got in that mess, nor could I remotely begin to figure out how I was going to get out of this mess.

But then, God brought my wife back into my life. Well, she never left physically, maybe emotionally some, but she stayed with me. Through the grace of God, she endured my crap and my lies over and over again.  Yet, she encouraged me to seek help and get better.

Paul said his wife was the only woman who could ever help him. I too, really feel deep in my heart and soul, that there is no other woman on this EARTH who could have helped me get up and keep fighting. My loving, gracious, glorious and beautiful wife has inspired me to be a better HUSBAND, a better FATHER or a better MAN.

My wife is truly a virtuous woman who builds up her household with her hands. She helps me sing my song and rights me when I’m wrong and I truly need her in my life forever.

Look at and listen to this truly inspirational song, and LISTEN TO THE CHORUS to hear my life in Paul’s lyrics.

Baby I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I love you
Baby I’m amazed at the the way you pulled me out of time
Hung me on a line
Maybe I’m amazed at the way I really need you

Baby I’m a man and maybe I’m a lonely man
Who’s in the middle of something
That he doesn’t really understand
Babe I’m a man and maybe you’re the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby wont you help to me understand

Baby I’m a man and maybe I’m a lonely man
Who’s in the middle of something
That he doesn’t really understand
Babe I’m a man and maybe you’re the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby wont you help me understand

Baby I’m amazed at the way you’re with me all the time
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I leave you
Baby I’m amazed at the way you help me sing my song
You right me when I’m wrong
Maybe I’m amazed at the way I really need you

It so fitting the next song that inspires me to move forward toward sexual purity was created by the man who said, rather sang the above quote.

Back in 1976, musical genius Stevie Wonder wrote, sang and produced “Isn’t She Lovely”, a tribute to his baby daughter Aisha. She’s mentioned in the song, by name, and though Stevie has never seen his daughter, as you listen to the music and the lyrics, you can tell that she was the apple of his eye….no pun intended.

The same joy and love that inspired Stevie to sing about his daughter Aisha, is the same joy and love that inspires me to get my life straight and on the right path for the benefit of my 4 year old daughter.

I’m inspired by Isn’t She Lovely because I can hear the love in Stevie voice, which makes me think of the love I have for my daughter, which cause me to think about never acting out again because I never want to let my daughter down, I never want her to be ashamed of me and my actions, and I NEVER want her to feel that her daddy is a failure/quitter.

My daughter is one of the reasons I fight sex addiction and lust. God truly blessed me with my daughter. Me and my wife created her from love. I just can’t let her grow up with the idea that I couldn’t control my thoughts, my actions or myself. I’ve already failed my wife, do I have to fail my daughter too?!?!?

So, as I cross the burning sands, fighting lust and staying sexually pure, I will always carry this song in my heart. It’s my kid, I gotta win for her, so that one day when I share with her my trials and tribulations, she’ll know that her daddy may have stumbled but he always fought and he never quit.

Remember, I spoke of legacies before? My legacy to my daughter will be that she had a great dad who was a fighter and who never quit.

Please enjoy Stevie Wonder’s song and lyrics to ”Isn’t She Lovely”

Isn’t she lovely
Isn’t she wonderful
Isn’t she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we’d be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn’t she lovely made from love

Isn’t she pretty
Truly the angel’s best
Boy, I’m so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can’t believe what God has done
Through us he’s given life to one
But isn’t she lovely made from love Isn’t she lovely
Life and love are the same
Life is Aisha
The meaning of her name
Londie, it could have not been done
Without you who conceived the one
That’s so very lovely made from love

But that’s not the point! I’m walking toward sexual purity again, but let me continue.

As God was pulling me out of that pit in 2002, He placed in my path a CD by a gospel singing star named Donnie McClurkin. I had NO intentions of buying this CD back in January 2002, I wasn’t even looking for it, but God had other plans. He knew that this CD, particularly one specific song, would help me cope with the sting, the guilt and the embarassment of what I had done. That song is called “We Fall Down”.

 I remember sitting in the car with my wife, parked in front of our townhouse, this song came on and I heard God speaking to me through this song. I cried…and cried…and cried. I was convicted, but I knew there was hope. Hope that I could get out of this mess and hope that my salvation was NOT gone, and that Christ loved me still. But most importantly, God revealed to me that a “saint is just a sinner who fell down…and got up”. THAT is God’s love because even though I messed up, He STILL wants me to get up and keep walk. I CAN get back up again.

Proverbs 24:16 even says so. Look: For a righteous man falleth and riseth up again; But the wicked are overthrown by calamity.

So don’t beat yourself up. God sees you as righteous if you fall and get back up again. Yes, please have some remorse for what you did, but don’t sit down on the ground and cry when you fall and make a mistake, GET UP! You’re a Saint in the making, you just need to get up again and keep walking.

Here is the video and the lyrics to Donnie McClurkin’s very special song to me and my quest for sexual purity”We Fall Down”:

We fall down
But we get up
We fall down
But we get up
We fall down
But we get up
For a saint is just a sinner who fell down
and got up
(repeat)

After a week away from the blog to brainstorm on new topics I can discuss, I’ve come back refreshed and inspired to discuss some things that are helping me in my walk away from unwanted sexual behavior.  One of the weapons I use to stay close to God and away from porn, is music.

While I was organizing my Ipod, I was inspired to discuss the music that moves me and gives me the courage and confidence to keep fighting.

The first song is called Moving Forward and it’s sung by Ricardo Sanchez. Check out his Myspace profile. I just stumbled upon this song 2 weeks ago at church. Just listening to the lyrics, I knew THIS song is one I would keep close to my heart.

If you are making any sort of change in your life, this song is for you. What a great feeling to know that in Christ all things are made new. Enjoy the video!  

 Happy Valentine’s Day everybody.

Hey, did you know what the best Valentine’s gift ever given is? This Gift ranks higher than roses, chocolates, cards and candies.

Give up?

The best gift ever given was Jesus Christ. God gave Him to me, you and everyone else in this world because He loves us, and so that we could have eternal life.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son (Jesus Christ), that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

And you thought that no one gave you a gift today………